This dress was meant to end up on your floor
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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