I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
