I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
