yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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