nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
