The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
