Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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