Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize