someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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