is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
