No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
