Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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