I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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