It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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