He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
