I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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