She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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