I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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