East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
