Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
