Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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