I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
