i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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