you guys were way drunker than both of me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
