you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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