like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
