1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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