he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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