Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
