After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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