i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
