I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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