they need to just BURY HIM!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
