This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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