Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
