Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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