Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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