Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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