Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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