sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
