Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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