Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
