the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
