I heard we made out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
