I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
