piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
