Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
