That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
