Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
