Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
