hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
