Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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