this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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