So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
