Kiss
Puke
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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