I feel like I'm in dance class right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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