this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
