Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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