peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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