Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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