He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
