do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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