After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
