Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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