I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So vagazzling was a success
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
