Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
