I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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